- ciao! francesca - ciao! francesca4-12-99

Subject:francesca's movies

Dear Wiseguys,

Not too long ago, a topic on the forum was "books we'd like to see Written." I got a real kick outta that one, and had a lot of fun adding to the list. THAT got me thinking about "movies I�d like to see made," and of course with my screenwriting talents just two weeks ago...

SO... here are some of today's latest movies that could be rewritten to become mob classics:

"Elizabeth" 4 stars
"Francesca" 4 nail files
Biographical drama about's official Mafia Princess. (yes, written by, directed by, and starring ME!!!!!)

"The Deep End Of The Ocean" 2 stars
"Throw The Rat Bastard Into The Deep End Of The Ocean" 2 guns
The harrowing tale of an informer in the Federal Witness Program who resurfaces 9 years later straight into a pair of cement shoes!

"Shakespeare in Love" 4 stars
"Wiseguy in Love" 4 guns
A comedy/love story about a frustrated young soldier trying to work his way up the ranks to impress the daughter of his capo.

"Baby Geniuses" no stars (it was THAT bad!)
"Ain't No Geniuses" NO guns (but DOES get a pair of cement shoes!)
An infantile comedy about the thought patterns (if there are any) and language of wiseguys.

"The King And I" 1 and 1/2 stars
"The Boss and I" 1 and 1/2 guns
The animated classic tale of the Boss as seen thru the eyes of his Underboss.

"Life is Beautiful" 4 stars
"Serving Life is NOT Beautiful" 4 guns
The powerful tragic/comedy of former boss John Gotti Sr.'s fight to "stay strong" while serving life in federal prison.

"Saving Private Ryan" 4 stars
"Saving Junior Gotti" 4 guns
Realistic account of Cutler and Shargel's legal battles to save Junior. (Currently shelved pending script rewrites)

"The Mod Squad" 2 stars
"The MOB Squad" 2 guns
Remake of 60's TV show, as hippie wiseguys battle the Feds.

"Payback" 2 stars
"Payback or ELSE!" 2 guns
A thief and killer, after being left for dead in a dumpster (they shoulda used cement shoes) fights back for his share of the "take".

"A Bug's Life" 3 and 1/2 stars
"A 'Boy's' Life" 3 and 1/2 guns
A computer animated wiseguy adventure.

"Ravenous" 1 and 1/2 stars
"The Ravenite" 1 and 1/2 guns
A history of the infamous social club, from its early Dellacroce days, thru John Sr. up until its current (and sacrilegious!!!!!) resurrection as a chic city clothing boutique.

"Six ways to Sunday" 3 stars
"Six ways to Marion" 3 guns
A "how to" movie for those interested in life in a max security federal pen. Each way, graphically highlighted, guaranteed to take you straight to Marion's electric fence.

"True Crime" 3 stars
"Untrue Crime" 3 guns
The story of a cocky capo who dares the Feds to "prove it"!

"200 cigarettes" 2 and 1/2 stars
"200 Cases Of Cigarettes Fell Off A Truck" 2 and 1/2 guns
Hilarious tale of 2 bumbling wiseguys as they explain to cops how ALL those cartons of cigarettes "fell" into the trunk of their Lincoln.

Dare I dust off a spot(s) on the mantle for those little oscar(s) guys?


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