i barely had enough time this week to get my column written (but how could i disappoint
you? NEVA!) so i squeezed it in between my manicure and pedicure....its tough being a
(mafia) princess... the only reason i was able to get ANYTHING written was the fact that
the nail salon didn't have their copy of this month's Vogue yet! so there i was with cotton
between my toes, polish drying, brains cells working, thinking of you...
ODE TO A WISEGUY
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
To all yous wiseguys,
It's a poem just for you.
Why do we all seem to follow the mob?
When all these guys do is cheat, lie and rob.
Do we sublimate just like Sigmund Freud said?
Or do we just like to see who gets shot in the head?
The feds try to make the "boys" sing prison blues
But if they rat, they get a pair of cement shoes!
24-hour lock-up is certainly no party
Just axe the ex-don, Mr. John Gotti.
(ayyyy, gimme a break, this was a tough one to rhyme!)
To a plea from the feds, Junior said, "no way in hell!"
"I'm takin' my chances with Bruce and Shargel!"
But Junior, if the feds want you,
There's no way you can win.
If you don't believe me, just go axe the Chin.
Today who's the boss with all the powers?
Who's really in charge of, "this thing of ours"?
That's just what the feds would like to know
However, smart bosses, like Carlo, lie low.
So how can you tell if a guy's in "this thing"?
Does he have a black Lincoln and a large pinky ring?
Now, most normal guys would just like to get laid
While wiseguys want that, AND to get "made."
Some wannabees think these are honorable men,
So why do so many end up in the pen?
There's Scarfo, John Gotti, Frankie Loc and the "snake."
All of them wishing, their "bones" they didn't make.
"The life" may seem glamorous with wine, women and nice digs
But you gotta crush kneecaps to collect on those vigs!
A wiseguy must worry, with fishes he might swim
That's not a cool future, it seems rather grim
Me, in the mob? No way! I'm a female,
By using a black jack, I might break a nail!
But I'm fascinated by mobsters,
And on the forum we tout it,
As they said in "Donnie Brasco," Ay, forgetaboutit!
otay otay, so i'm no longfellow, but
i'm STILL adorable!!!!!!!